10. The starting kicker also deals ecstasy on the side.
9. The boozed up center disappears before the biggest game of the season.
8. Rush Limbaugh criticizes you when you draft a black quarterback.
7. A wide receiver runs over a meter maid on "rookie level," but murders his pregnant girlfriend on the advanced "pro" level. Retired running back kills ex-wife on "all-world" level.
6. The star running back decides to retire to see the world and smoke pot.
5. The star quarterback must fight off rumors that he is gay.
4. The team's PR director makes a homophobic and racist sensitivity training video.
3. Your team's fans are arrested for stabbing the home team fans in San Diego.
2. A team owner is murdered by his over-the-hill, showgirl wife.
1. The star running back shoots commercials with Alf.