Wednesday, December 06, 2006

 

Last and Ten Ways to Make the BCS More Exciting

10. No shoulder pads, they all have to wear a Jim Tressel sweater vest.
9. Florida gets to use one live Gator for one play each half.
8. Michael Richards gives motivational halftime speech.
7. Losing coach must return sunglasses to O.J. Simpson’s ex-wife.
6. Winning teams get White House invite, losing teams get drafted into service.
5. Dude who wins Dr. Pepper quarterback challenge gets to start for the Raiders.
4. Officiating crew from Oregon/Oklahoma game gets to officiate each contest.
3. Britney Spears designs undergarments for cheerleaders uniforms.
2. How about, you know, a playoff.
1. TV commentary team of Mike Tirico, Joe Theismann, and Danny DeVito.



 

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Monday, November 06, 2006

 

Last and Ten Rejected Titles of T.O.’s New Line of Children’s Books:

10. Are You There T.O.? It’s Me, Donovan.
9. Pointing Fingers: It is Never Your Fault.
8. Tales of a Fourth-Quarter Nothing.
7. Ronny Returns Some Sunglasses.
6. Mommy, is the Quarterback Gay?
5. Bicurious Jeff
4. How Many of Mommy’s Pills Can I Fit In My Mouth?
3. There’s a Rocket In My Pocket. (Oops, that was a rejected Mark Foley employee handbook title)
2. Who’s Pulling the Trigger? How To Ruin a Suicide.
1. T.O. Hears a Boo.



 

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

 

Last and Ten Reasons of the T.O. "Incident:"

10. He hates your fantasy team.
9. Tired of Barbaro getting all of the “near-death” coverage.
8. Jealous that Donovan McNabb took Dante Stallworth for a Pat’s cheesesteak last year.
7. The self-inflicting dose was given by Columbian drug dealers.
6. Saw Nicollette Sheridan’s bare breast as a member of the Eagles, now he only gets to see Bill Parcell’s naked rack.
5. If it looks like a suicide attempt, walks like a suicide attempt and talks like a suicide attempt…
4. Coming back from just a broken leg is so 2004.
3. Beats practicing with Drew Bledsoe.
2. At least nobody has talked about how much he has sucked for the Cowboys this year.
1. ESPN reported it as a suicide attempt; T.O. claims he “just changed his mind about living.”

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

 

Last and Ten Things That Should Be Your Demise Before a Sting Ray

10. Being a member of the Chargers and getting pulled over by an off-duty cop
9. Riding your motorcycle without a helmet
8. Agreeing to being lowered down by a pulley before your WWF match
7. Returning sunglasses that were left at the restaurant where you work
6. Attending a European soccer match
5. Naming your two sons, Lyle and Erik
4. Sharing an outfield with Johnny Damon, Aaron Rowand or Mike Cameron
3. Running into Ray Lewis at a Super Bowl party
2. Becoming Ray Caruth’s baby’s moma
1. Residing and driving in the same town as Leonard Little


-Rob in Tampa

Thursday, August 31, 2006

 

Last and Ten Terrell Owens and Matt Leinart excuses

10. Have you seen Bill Parcells in short-shorts? You’d sleep in too.
9. I'm a Trojan, I don't wear one.
8. Taking practice advice from Allen Iverson, not a good idea.
7. O.J. will be helping me find the real father.
6. Don't need to practice running after Drew Bledsoe's overthrows.
5. Taking fatherhood advice from Shawn Kemp, not a good idea.
4. Somebody had put a padlock on my exercise bike.
3.It could have been worse, it could have been Brenda Warner
2. Harassing prank calls from Donovan McNabb kept me up all night.
1. Who knew that being late was such a bad thing.

Rejected:
Gives new meaning to the term, "Ballroom Dancing."
Is it an NCAA violation if Leinart's dad pays for the whole thing?
Don't need to practice, I get in plenty of work in my driveway.
Paul Lo Duca bet me that I wouldn't come in late/get Brynn pregnant.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

 

Last and Ten Things Matt Leinart is doing during his holdout

10. Playing Madden on rookie level; Not using the Birds.
9. Hanging out at the track with Paul Lo Duca.
8. Helping pal Carson Palmer bail all of his teammates out of jail.
7. Helping O.J. search for the real killers.
6. Camping out for the premier of Snakes on a Plane.
5. Designated driver for pals David Hasselhoff and Mel Gibson.
4. Attending Pamela and Kid Rock's wedding.
3. Advising pal Nick Lachey as he holds out for more money in his divorce proceedings.
2. Putting his ballroom dancing class to use on Dancing with the Stars 3.
1. Well, he's not doing Paris Hilton.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

 

Last and Ten Revelations In the Michael Strahan Divorce

10.Only athlete in America jealous of Kris Benson and Doug Christie’s marriages.
9. Michael cried during the part in Pretty in Pink where the red head gets her dream guy.
8. Michael voted for Taylor Hicks during American idol.
7. She won't have her boyfriend bring her the sunglasses she left behind in a restaurant.
6. Michael constantly flirts with Ed "Guns" Hochuli. That's why the Giants get all the calls.
5. Michael got marriage advice from Charlie Sheen.
4. Michael went to a Madonna concert with Ozzie Guillen.
3. Michael may get plastic surgery, but even he must admit the Manning bros are sissies.
2. Michael wanted Brett Favre to take a different kind of dive for him.
1. He is the father of Katie Holmes baby.

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